Serving with The Parachute Company
___
Pirbright-Get your hair cut
One morning while on muster parade, I was standing next to a chap called Jake Stockford a London Cockney. Company Sgt Major Leslie SG was making his usual morning inspection, passing along the front of our rank without incident, he stopped at the rear of me. Thinking the worst, I waited for some comment. "Am I hurting you Stockford", he said to Jake. "No Sir", relied Jake. "I must be because I'm standing on your bloody hair". Quick as a flash Jake replied "You can't be Sir , because its tucked inside my Gaiters". The Sgt Major almost exploded, Jake was sent to the Guardroom, and I followed shortly behind because I could not stop laughing.
___
Suez crisis 1956
Suez-Hitch a Ride or walk
After we had cleared most of the Buildings from snipers, we continued to Patrol towards the south of the city, until we were held up by some heavy cross fire ahead of us. A Platoon of Marines were trying to route out some Egypt soldiers from a building on the opposite side of the street. There was also a small convoy of trucks waiting to move down the street. Having got the Marines to hold fire, we were told spread ourselves out among the trucks. My mate Jock and I climbed into the back of one, and the convoy set off. The Marines held their fire, but no one had told the Enemy, as the odd round zipped through the canopy. The truck carried a large number of Jerry cans. "You've got plenty of water mate" I said to the guy with glasses sitting in the back, I had been without water since early evening, and feeling quite dry ."That's not water, that's petrol", he replied without a care in the world. Jock looked at me, and I looked at him. "See you later mate", said Jock to the guy in the truck. Even to this day I still don't know which of us hit the road first. It turned out the convoy was in support of the Tanks up ahead.
___
Suez-Solving the transport problem
After living in front line trenches at el Qantarah for about Five days, we were finally relieved by the Royal West Kent, and were moved back up to Port Said. There we took up residents in a hotel which had taken a bit of a battering, but still had a few decent rooms. It was great to have a shower and clean up. A cease fire had been in force for seven days, but the city was petty empty of civilians. A few of us found a local Brewery, and helped ourselves to a few crates of beer. Near by was a bus complete with keys, which I Borrowed!!. Well we needed something to carry the beer. When we arrived back at the Hotel Our Platoon Officer was outside. I thought to myself I'm n trouble now, quite the reverse, as transport was in short supply, I was actually praised by the Patrol Commander for using my initiative. The Platoon used my bus quite a lot over the next few days, until we received orders to move back to Cyprus. The bus came in handy moving all our kit to the docks, there I did a deal with some Marines, and sold the old bus for Sixty fags, before boarding a ship called the New Australia.
___
Suez-Confronting the enemy
During the first night of fighting one of the company patrols decided to rest up in a disused building. A Sargeant called chalky White stepped outside for a Piss with out his Rifle, and was confronted by a young Egyptain soldier pointing a rifle at him.. Chalky did the only thing he could think off, which was to stretch out his hand, and said hand it over. The guy handed over the rifle and raised his hands, Chalky then took him inside as a Pow. Wiping the sweat from his fore head, he said to the others, I don't think I need that Piss now.
___
Cyprus-Getting my wires crossed
After returning from Suez the company spent a couple of months at Pine trees camp situated near the top of mount Olympus. During that time as a signaler one of my duties was to man a fifty line Telephone exchange. During the Xmas period the Forces Radio in Cyprus were doing a Phone in program called wireless for the blind, people phoned in pledging money. On Xmas eve I was on duty in the exchange, and feeling pissed off. One of my mates brought me a Bottle of Keo Brandy to cheer me up. I was kept busy with all the phone calls during the evening, and well into the night. Well eventually the bottle was empty, and the switch board looked like a tangled mass of Spagetty. Someone relieved me, and I was put to bed. Next day complete with hang over, I was charged with being drunk in charge of a Switchboard.
___
Serving with -The Irish Guards
Ghosts in Tower of London
One bleak night in the middle of winter, I was Sgt of the Guard in the Tower of London. Normally I would have a Guard made up from personnel from differant companies, but on this occasion the Guard was my own Platoon. One of the Sentry posts is located by Traitors Gate, and can appear quite intimidating on a dark windy night. At about 0200 I decided to check on the sentries. As I quitely approached The Traitors gate post , the sentry which I won't name was just starting his patrol, which would take him up to the Ravens cage and back. While he was away I stepped into his sentry box, and waited. After a few minutes the sentry returned, halting in front of the box, and turning away from it. I waited a short while for him to settle down then tapped him on the shoulder. He give out a sort of moan, and the poor bloke collapsed at my feet. We revived him with a mug of tea. I did feel guilty afterwards, he was only about Eighteen or Nineteen at the time
___
A few words to learn
___
Short Fuze
While serving with Assault Pioneer Platoon in Germany during a Exercise, we were given the task of building the Bn command post. The ground was pretty hard ,and rocky which meant using lots of explosive charges. The men had just broke for lunch, leaving a Engineer Sgt and myself, still down in the hole with a particular stubborn rock. We packed the remaining few pounds of P4 under the rock, but found only about a foot of safety fuse left, rather than tramp the Two hundred yards back to the base for more fuse, we decided to use what we had. Lighting the fuse we both scrambled out of the hole and sprinted for the base camp. Walking towards us was the Platoon Sgt Major with a mug of tea in his hand. "How many times have you been told not to run after a setting a charge", he shouted.
"Short fuse", we both shouted. As he turned to run back towards base, and dropping his tea in the process. looking over his shoulder he yelled "How short". "Very", we replied. A few second later the earth erupted.
No one was in any real danger, but we both of received a telling off, and told as Sergeant's we should better.
___
While serving with-The Special Air Service
___